I've said this towards the end but most of this is an explanation for moving away from the Nine Inch Nails usernames I used on other accounts but never got to use on here, however it does explain me moving to Weezer themed usernames and the Weezer fandom and it goes into how much of a different person I am since the end of my tds era.

So I've came out about this in other places but in In 2022-2024, My main music related fandom was that of Nine Inch Nails before I ran to the Weezer fandom and started basing my entire personality on that this August. In late 2022, me and my [at the time partner], CJ both discovered Nintwt [a community on Twitter for fans of the band] and we started interacting with it as we were both huge fans of Nine Inch Nails. By 2023 we both got into a friend group with some new people we met in Nintwt and we stayed friends up until May 2024. What broke us all up was what started everything wrong in my life. Back in May, I became mutuals with someone who is rather infamous on nintwt nowadays [Her online name being Lethal]. Around May 20th, 2024, Lethal had drawn naked drawings of Trent Reznor as an art request from a follower of hers, it wasn't straight up porn from what I remember but nudity. One of the nintwt friends of CJ and I, Benny, and some others were talking very negatively about Lethal because of this on their private accounts and I had woken up in the middle of the night to see this. [I’d like to also note that Benny found straight up PORN ART of Trent Reznor drawn by another artist to be absolutely hilarious and saw ZERO issue with it or the artist behind it, yet made Lethal’s art out to be a big deal with her friends. Also weird that others can also be sexually attracted to Trent, but when Lethal is, she's targeted. This lead Lethal to believe she was being targeted.] [On Top of this, some of the people were transphobic towards Lethal [Calling her a dude and using incorrect pronouns despite her being a trans girl, which is smth she has made incredibly obvious. It's also clear they've been stalking Lethal as well & jst being absolutely shitty towards her in particular but not anyone else who does the same or similar to her.]

Anyway back to the point, I got mildly upset, especially because some of them were being straight up rude if I remember correctly. I even remember one of them insulting Lethal’s art style and saying they couldn't have seen art uglier than hers. At the same time, Lethal had made Tweets claiming to have been being stalked and harassed by Twitter users over the Trent Reznor drawings. I also saw that while I was asleep, she had somehow found a private acc of Benny's that Benny had not given out in public, as well as private accs belonging to others. This happened while I was ASLEEP and I have ZERO IDEA how Lethal found these accs. I will admit, I warned her about these people that night as I was afraid they would or were contributing to the stalking of her since they were already talking shit, but thats all. Despite the fact that Lethal had OTHER mutuals besides me in common with them, they only targeted & singled ME out as the one who did it and by the next day I realized one of them, Adam, had blocked me on his private acc as well as soft-blocked me on main. I saw Adam as a really good friend and he was rather important to me and I was a bit hurt by this. I had decided to just block him back because last time someone soft blocked me in places, it was a previous ex friend of mine who did it, and I was straight up abandoned by him. I was getting sort of like.. Flashbacks to that and could only think of him. I did NOT really say anything about Adam directly [even though they all claim I did], I only made like 2 vague vent posts on a PRIVATE account about feeling the need to block a friend before I'm left forever, but I never once mentioned who said person was or hinted at it being Adam and it was a private VENT on a private account I TRUSTED people with. Actually, the only person from their group who was following was Benny and SHE was the one that leaked my vents to Adam which would lead to what I found later that day... Later that day, I got paranoid and searched up Adam's private accounts username and found out Adam had been Tweeting about me negatively on his private account. I couldn't see the Tweets themselves, but I saw his friend, and who was previously my friend too, Solar, replying to them saying EXTREMELY nasty things and this would go on that ENTIRE WEEK. I could easily piece together they were shit talking me and accusing me of leaking Adam's private tweets to Lethal. Solar called me a snake and said Adam reasonably blocked me and I had no right to be upset [Not in those exact words but y'know I mean!]. I was told that they only started shit talking about me because I was making rude tweets about Adam first, but that simply isn't true. They started doing this BEFORE I even said one negative thing about him and that negative thing I said after I found them talking shit, was just simply a reaction to being left, shit talked, and lied abt by people I thought I could trust and who I thought cared about me. I felt HURT that they had LIED and twisted the story to be the other way around as literally ANYONE would. Within maybe the first or second day of their shit talking, I noticed Benny obviously siding with them and even replying “LOL” to Solar during it. This also comes along with my first straw with Benny. She went and made a drawing of her and Adam, drew 2 drawings for another person, and one for a third while purposely excluding me and then going on about how great those friends, ESPECIALLY ADAM only AFTER Adam left me and started lying about me and taking shit with his friend. Then I just didn't like how she'd constantly go on and on about Adam where I could see it. Like she literally SPAMMED Adam with quote retweets one day and one telling her followers to follow Adam and all of this got on my timeline/fyp. She was NEVER this aggressive with the Adam shit prior to this all. She knew this was starting to trigger me a lot and then when I snapped and broke and called her the worst person ever she got mad at me and tried to make me look bad for it while guilt tripping me at the same time. Then in early June, she began ignoring me for DAYS ON END while speaking to Adam daily for HOURS. She told me she was isolating and when I said she could've just fucking told me, she claimed she couldn't talk but she was talking to him non fucking stop. I think my final fucking straw was her dming CJ trying to make me look bad while also blaming me for everything and saying I'm not the victim and clearly taking her friends' side over my own while claiming she's neutral when it's clear she is not. They also they claimed I had been stalking them because I went to their profiles out of paranoia because I was convinced they were turning people against me (which they had been actually! News flash!), or sending my friends out to spy on me, or that they're going to make a public call-out and get everyone to leave me (also a thing they eventually did!). Hell, towards the beginning I was fucking HORRIFIED Adam and Solar were going to turn MY OWN PARTNERS [at the time] against me and get them to leave with me especially because those partners were both psychotic and easily believe shit and I was scared they'd use that to their advantage. I lived in constant paranoia that they were going to pull shit all while they were stalking me and have been since the beginning of this whole thing, Not because they are paranoid over me, but just to be asshole stalkers ig.

They spent the next few months stalking me, harassing me, and lying about me more & more until the point their lies about me got ABSOLUTELY deranged. They even faked screenshots of me, got close friends of mine to turn against me by lying about me, Benny even tried to lie to the person I was dating at the time about how i started everything even tho I DIDN'T and when said at the time partner was on my side and knew these people were lying about me they took this at an opportunity to shit on them and call them stupid repeatedly. The moment they'd get weird or hateful strawpage messages, they'd pin the blame on me and pass it off as it were 100% fact I was behind them when I wasn't (which has lead to them lying and telling everyone sent them loli porn and that I'm a pedophile), they even lied and claimed I was interested in seeing a REAL LIFE man as a shota when even if I did consume that sont of fiction, I've said countess times that should STAY in fiction and making shota art of a real peron crosses that line. They would also be ableist towards me and my close friend at the time [Same one that drew naked Trent Reznor], was misogynistic towards her as well as transphobic, sent me and her death threats, accused me of guilt tripping when I said they made me suicidal and had been self harming because of them, and just put me through SO MUCH PAIN. 

by August 2024 I kinda had had enough it all. I think my final straw was that when I had gotten into Moral Orel. I was live Tweeting a bit me of me watching it before I got too into it and forget to keep Tweeting. I pulled an all nighter to watch the whole series in full and me and a friend talked about it. Only for Benny to Tweet about how she was gonna start watching it too now a day later and also live Tweeted it a bit. It felt way too intentional to be a coincidence and it pissed me off. I felt like they wanted to rob me of everything. They wanted to rob me of my life, of my identity, of my friends and my interests. it set something off in me that made me want to get away from them. 

I began moving accs and ditched nintwt and the fandom as a whole. I moved onto weezertwt and the Weezer fandom. I wanted to change everything about me during this. I remembered writing about it at the time... I wrote about wanting to get away, how I wanted to change myself, change my interests, change my appearance, change my style, cut my hair, etc. 

As I was doing this, I lost who i was before completely. Who I was before moving accs felt like somebody different. I looked back at myself then and didn't see myself, I saw somebody entirely different. Even specific people who meant everything to me felt like complete and utter strangers to me that I was just meeting. I remembered I accidentally became distant towards my partner at the time because of it. They were everything to me but I couldn't recognize them and they felt like a stranger. I still felt love for them (and even now I kinda miss them at times) but I didn't feel the closeness I once felt. It was like I was 15 again crushing on them despite me barely knowing them & never being close with them. I became immersed in my new kinda life and friends I met in the Weezer fandom and the one friend I still managed to feel close with. I remembered one of these days I had realized after HOURS that said at the time partner hadn't been online and I seriously didn't notice that for so long Like I usually would. It had just occurred to me in the late evening and it was a HUGE what the fuck moment. I remembered messaging Joey like "I wonder where CJ went" but it low-key felt so cold & emotionless even tho it WAS NAWT intended that way and that just kinda scared me. (Then they started bullshit with me ovr liking Weezer and shit later on in September anyway and I felt even more disconnected from them then yadda yadda yadda shit happened and we broke up a month later. Which isn't allat important but it just shows an example of how much disconnect I was going through. I fr felt like I was an entirely new person and I was disconnected from who I was, my life, and some of the people I knew. Like my ex isn't even the only person I felt so completely disconnected from. It happened with a few people and it was scary. And if it wasn't for Nintwt breaking me completely, none of this would've happened.) 

And even then, I still can't fucking heal because they BARGED their way into weezertwt and spread their lies about me there and now I have half of weezertwt calling me a harasser and a pedophile. I struggle to even make friends anymore because an asshole will always reply to them and be like "hey this person is a bad person *insert lies about me here*" and I'll get blocked without even having Both sides the story heard out even when I said THOUSANDS of times I AM BEING LIED ABOUT. 

But genuinely what can I even do anymore? I already moved once. I've already been completely broken and shattered. 

I'll NEVER be the same and there's nothing that can ever fix that. Even if one day they decide to admit they lied and apologize to me, I'll never forgive them. If I ever end myself, they'll be in my suicide note. These people genuinely ruined my life even further than it already had been after an entire LIFETIME of trauma and abuse. 

I can't bring myself to actually go to Spotify or YouTube and put on a NIN song because of them. I genuinely feel sick every time I see something related to that band. It's all because of the endless torment they put me through and cause. This was the only account that didn't have the dwnwardspiral94 / downwardspiral1994 username because I couldn't change my username since 2021 until the other day, but my current username I use on most accs is tragicgirl or any variation of it. I've adopted this username months ago on other socials. Naming new accs this as well as renaming accs I didn't move away from (like Discord, Pinterest, Toyhouse, and Artfight) as I wanted to stray away from any Nine Inch Nails usernames. This account had some old edgy username from my 2021 edgelord era and would've been renamed dwnwardspiral94 years ago and then this would've been another rename but I never had supporter before. So yeah, don't associate me with both the 2021 edgelord username or the nin usernames on other accs. I'm a Weezy mf now